Time isn't healing

Friday, May 28, 2010

to-do-list?.

Since Tan Jen Sion said that I "have the time of the world~", and he has a list of stuff he has to do.
Let us see if I really have the time of the world!

Warning: May contain traces of ridicule, idiocy, and bullshitting. Viewers discretion is adviced.

Now let's see...
1) I have homework. Yes I know, I do homework, gasp and shout all you want. I am a choosy homework do-er!
2) I need to constant update my blog! ;)
3) I need to practice guitar. Which is something I love to do, so not a chore.
4) I need to practice piano ;)
5) need to finish piano homework.
6) need to catch up with all the Hong Kong dramas I miss out on x)
7) need to plan practice dates ... though I don't know why that's my job ._.
8) practices on Saturday morning.... I wake up at 7!
9) texting friends I don't see in school ;D
10) go occasional walk/slow jog/cycling with neighbour and childhood friend.
11) texting people about practice dates... still don't understand why =/
12) SLEEP! sufficient sleep can rehydrates your skin~
13) tuitions on Saturday afternoon....1400-1900 though it's really good xD
14) reading during alone time :)

Wow...that's a lot of stuff to do!! And I realized only two involved socialising...and it's not even involving my school friends o_o;
aww...

self recollection.

I PASSED MY PIANO PRACTICAL EXAM WITH MERIT~! XD

okay, I know to some of you, it's really not a big deal, but to me, it's a huge deal, don't like reading my enthusiasm? Shut up and get out.
And I welcome those who appreciate some optimism after several angsty post x)

TADA!
Okay, I know it's hard to read. So I'll write it out!

A1 : A flowing tempo was set and articulation was crisp throughout. Dynamics could have been a little more contrasted, and there was a little hurrying, with the LH mispatched(?) a little, before the da capo. Otherwise most acceptable.

30(20) - 24

B3 : The pedal was well used, and the melody highlighted. The C# in the bass in the second chord and subsequently was missing, and you could have been more liberal with dynamics, but otherwise confidently played.

30(20) - 25

C1 : The anticipation in the rhythm were well pointed, and the style of the piece was well grasped in this accurate performance. Tempo just a little relaxed, though, but otherwise most convincing.

30(20) - 28

Scales and arpeggios:
A little confusion in Bb minor arpeggio, but otherwise all securely and promptly played.

21(14) - 19

Sight-reading:
A little cautious, with some errors, but the basic ideas were grasped.

21(14) - 15

Aural tests:
Errors in test B and in rhythm/metre(?) in C - otherwise sound(?)

18(12) - 13

Total 124

Additional comments:
Some commendable(?) and enjoyable playing - well done!

XD
ok I know~ I'm a bit full of myself now~ but this is why I starting blogging, to spread my feelings! Whether it's happiness or sadness, I'll post! x3

Okay, let me explain it to those who are blur, the A1 B3 C1 are exam pieces. In A B C, there's 3 songs each, and you choose one to play. The 30(20), 21(14) are marks. Those not in brackets are the max value, and those in brackets are the min acceptable marks you get. And those marks after the "-" are my marks!

I am always a little confused with Bb minor arpeggio in Scales and Arpeggios =/
I don't know why, no matter how many times I play that, I'd still make mistakes the first time.
And Sight-reading, well...I have always been horrible in Sight-reading. I can never read notes fast enough to play the whole piece fluently.
In Aural tests...I admit, I screwed this up. I really am suppose to know the answers to test B, but really, it's my fault -.- I could have gotten better marks.

Well, most likely, I'd say this examiner is AWESOME. I failed Grade 5 once, did I mention this is my Grade 5 exam? Well it's my Grade 5 exam.
My previous examiner, was an Italian. I still remember his name...Victor....Victor something. I can't spell his last name =/
Well, I guess I was not prepared at that time.
And this time I can get such great marks (in my opinion), is most likely because of the examiner's awesome-ness. He wasn't that strict I guess. Which is a bonus to me~ XD
I mean, c'mon, 124 is not bad. I used to get 100+ for my Grade 3 and 4. Barely passing.
And also, the extra lessons I got from this Russian lady helped a lot too. She is very stern, and she picks on every little mistake you make. I used to get really annoyed by that, I mean, during the first lesson with her. Then consequently, I find that she is very good in correcting your mistakes. And I found that all those months I've been playing the wrong way.
So, yeah, gotta give credit to her as well ;)

Just like how it is in my previous post, things are starting to get real good now.
I may not have a great starting, and I might've made a few wrong turns in life, but right now, I know I'm going on the right track. And to keep on this track, I need to keep my eyes on the light ahead, whether it is deceiving me, or guiding me, I know one way or another, I need to follow the light, I have to find my own way to my destiny.

Omg LOL that is so cheesy~ something I so wouldn't say.
But it is how I feel. I want everyone out there to know that things may seem difficult, and it seems like there is no reward in the end, but the end isn't over, it isn't near. Maybe throughout this journey of self recollection, you'd find a right turn, to the right path, to your right track.
And if there is something in your way, don't step on it. Figuratively speaking. Find a diplomatic way to skirt around the edges. And don't be too much of a softy. Being kind and nice in one thing, being too nice and too kind is another. You might get scammed or cheated.
It may look like a cruel cruel world, but it is reality, people will use this weakness of yours and attack you, use you. Believe me, I've got used numerous times to be qualified of giving this advice.
Be firm with your beliefs and principles.

Well, I've said all I can about cheesy stuff. And I hope people will take heed. Now, I am off to have some self recollection myself ;)
xx

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Gratitude.

I am feeling grateful nowadays :)
It's like, something is going on the right way now.
I have something happening that I have been wanting since standard 5.
And, well, though it's not going entirely like how I wanted it to, but you can't have everything now ;)
Though there are some people quite irresponsible with their position, but it's still a blessing to know there are dreams that can be achieved.

I know for a fact that other than this, there are some other things I care deeply about slowly slipping away.
But...don't judge me for this, I find that I can't really do much about it. Because what's been changed, can't be turned back after all.
There are some walls built up between some people and I, and I am sure I can break it down. To be just the way it is 3 years ago. But what has been changed during the building up of this wall, will remain unchanged. For I am sure, it was me who caused it, because I was not there when things happens.

Okay...that was going a little off course =/
But I am grateful for the new friends I made, new experiences I gain :)
Although it is a little too late for me to try working out on my midterm, because my gratitude decided to come late this time, I will work out harder for my last term.
I really want this to work, and if it is because of my results, I would be absolutely devastated.

And now, I shall proceed off to study on my Biology, which is coming out tomorrow.
Wish me luck to whoever that's reading this~ cause you might just get some yourself! xx

Sunday, May 23, 2010

checking out girls ;).

I realized a little something today.

You know how girls always get worked up because their boyfriends commented on how another girl looks hot or cute or whatever?
Well, I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I don't think I will get mad.
I don't know if I will, because I have never had that problem before, but if I did, I don't think I will be pissed.
If that particular girl was really pretty, or hot, I'd agree with "my boyfriend", but if I really think she's not that pretty, or hot, she's just normal, I'll say she's just normal.
I am quite sure I won't get pissed...

And people tends to not believe that I am, in fact, not bothered by that.
I mean, I do have guy friends who tells me which girl looks pretty when we're in the mall, and most of the time... well... I ain't going into that -.-
What's wrong with looking at others who looks good? I do that all the time, guys or girls.
I don't think it's weird for me to check out another girl... Its just...natural to me ._.

Boys out there definitely likes to look at pretty girls, and Girls out there definitely likes to look at handsome boys, well, I do both. Who else does it? ;) I'd really appreciate it to know there are others out there that agree with me...

I guess this runs in the family?
I found out that my mom don't get pissed or anything, when my dad comments about other woman on the TV.
My dad always comments about how sexy Angelina Jolie is (I agree as well), and my mom will nod, and smile. And she also agrees with my dad if she really thinks whoever girl looks cute or pretty on the TV.
But when we don't agree, we just say it out loud, then we debate... o.o

Well, just a little something I figured out while watching TV moments ago. And felt the need to clarify myself for "checking out other girls", because I honestly don't think it is a problem -.-

going on the right track.

Well, woke up at 6.30am, then spent the rest of the day busy-ing~
Had an amazing time with Jerry-miah~ Dylan "Big Head" Khoo, Ivena HON and Brandon! XD
I was late, actually. But managed to have fun in the end! Though Dylan and Brandon was a bit blur... Had to signal BOTH of them =/
Just found out that Brandon, is in fact, younger than all of us. I always thought he's Form 5...

Never really thought our first time would be such a success! Am feeling proud of us~
Another great thing, Jerry lent me his cable! so now I can play my electric guitar~~~ RAWR!! x)
When I asked Jerry what he thought of Brandon, he promptly said, "his face meets our expectations." XD
That means Jerry thinks he's good looking! LOL
But that's a good thing o.o

Despite everything, I still think that I'm a bit of a manager for this thing =/
Seriously, it's as if I handle everything.
But I like doing that :) making sure things don't go wrong~
Jerry is horrible at that xD no offence.

I guess, for once, it really feels as if life is going on the right track.
Although I am dreading Monday, because I have yet to figure out how the exams format goes, but still, life is going slightly to the good side now~ and I hope it continues on like this! :)

Have to go on to study History, which in my opinion, is a stupid Subject, so had to leave it short! xx

Friday, May 21, 2010

obnoxious sonofabitch.

When I am upset, all kinds of ridiculous depressing thoughts flows through my mind, like tap water.
Like how it's going on right now.
I just knew, that when something AMAZING happens to you, somewhere between all that amazing-ness, something will happen, and everything will crumble down.
And then, just between crumbling down, I thought people would empathize.
At least understand what you're going through, because really, I thought they'd imagine it on themselves so they'd know how it feels.
But, yet again, I am amazed by how obnoxious human can be.

Sometimes, I wonder.
Why do people say, "You're as stupid as a pig!" "Even a pig is smarter than you!"
But really, pigs aren't that stupid.
Why would you say they're stupid?
Just because of how they look like?
Did pigs make your hopes come crashing down because as you got older, you found out that real pigs looks absolutely nothing like that sweet, little Piglet in Winnie the Pooh?
Does looks really matters that much?
Truthfully, I did not feel disgusted or anything when I saw real pigs for the first time,
I was, instead, impressed by how their original size was actually like. And of course, the stench.

Just like what my brother once told me,
"People thinks that pigs are stupid, because of the place they live in.
They shit, they eat, they sleep, they do everything in that pig sty. So sometimes, they eat their own crap. That is why they are considered as stupid by most human beings in this world. But in fact, they are not stupid, they are quite clever. This is called survival. WOULD human eat their own shit to live? WOULD a human stay amongst their own shit to live? No, not really. Most human would rather starve to death than eat their own shit. That's how intelligent pigs are."
That is not exactly what he said, but it's the main thing.
And yes, I totally agree with him.
And that's saying something because I rarely agree with him.
I love pigs. They are, like, really selfless creatures, that provide us food. Although, there are others who can't try them, but pigs are still awesome, just not the meat you'd have to try loving.

This sort of shows how I think of humans.
To me, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But I also try to find the good quality of everyone. Even those I don't really like.
If everyone could just stop being selfish and inconsiderate, and just try - TRY - to think for once, the world will be a much better place.
Less people crying because of frustrations.
Less people tearing up because of disappointment.
Less people writing lifeless blogs complaining about life.
Because sometimes, Life just sucks to the max. And Hope ain't helping.

I'll just crawl back in my pool of tears, and leave this as it is. xx

Monday, May 10, 2010

moving on.

I have wanted many things in life.
And most of the times I don't get it, and I don't mind.
Because you don't always get what you want.
I understand that.
But then, there's always one thing that makes you ache with want, and need.
You get all excited about it, then depressed when you realized it isn't ever going to happen. But you are, somehow, determined.
Which sometimes makes situation worse. For hoping too much.

I have never been much of an optimistic person.
I tend to think of the worst, because in my mind, I figured if I've already expected the worst, nothing could get me down anymore.
And that trait of me is also something my dad is very disapprove of. And I totally understand why.
Whenever things starts getting better, I get happy, and optimistic.
Then when I get home, when I have some alone time and started thinking, it's just too happy to be true, something will happen. Something bad.
It gets me every time.

Have you ever got that feeling that maybe, just maybe, God wants to cut you some slack, and give you something you wanted easily for once. Without you going through those troubles, and suffering, and in the end might not succeed anyway.
Have you ever?

Working hard to get something I desire, never seemed to be like a hardship to me.
I grew up learning, if you want to get something, you got to work for it.
I am working for it, it's just...there are people out there pulling you back. People closed to you. People you love. People you can't hurt their feelings for.
And you're left in a mess.

I started to realize, recently, that it wasn't them who moved on without me.
It was me who kept stepping on the same ground, refusing to take the first step.
When you'd wake up from your dream, and it hit you, were you too fazed in that happy fantasy life of yours, that you'd forgotten about everything else?
And when you look back, you see that they have all already started moving on.
It's you, you who refused to step up.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

i am not completely useless u know.

I've found out that I can survive without a maid cleaning and cooking for me in my house.
In fact, I've always wanted that to happen.
No maid in the house, I mean.
Not that I don't appreciate having someone to cook and clean for me, but still...it's how you need some complete stranger to take care of you and lives in your house that kind of creeps me out, although I have a maid in my house since I was born =/
But that isn't the point.

The point is, I know for a fact that I can do all those stuff by myself.
Y'know, sweeping and moping the floor, washing dishes, ironing and folding clothes, clean around the house, clean the shelves and all.
I admit, I can't cook. Really, if you ask me to fry an egg right now, I can't do that. Because I don't even know how to pop an egg.
Worst of all? I can't cook instant noodles as well. Let alone boil an egg.
But of course, all those I can learn.
It's just a matter of time when I can be an accomplish cook like my dad.

Guess what I just did just now?
I made my bed... I made my bed and my parents' bed.
In my whole life time, I don't think I've made my bed and felt so proud before.
Well, mostly I did it today was to show my parents that I can do stuff without a maid.

Oh right, I never mentioned why I'm writing this did I?
Well, my previous maid just left, as in, we bought a plane ticket and sent her back.
Why?
Because she breached her contract.
How?
She had a boyfriend, and she also leaves the house to go meet him. And also possesses a cellphone which we already told her that she is not allowed to have one.
You probably don't understand why it's such a big issue. But it is to us.
My parents, and I, have been stressing over her because of this.
Mostly because we're afraid she might sneak out and bring her boyfriend and rob us, or kill us, that is.
You think we're thinking too much?
Well, I think prevention is better than cure. There's nothing you can do when that really happens. When you get hurt and robbed, or dead. Well it is really your own fault for not being cautious.
So yeah, that is why we sent her back.

Which is why I am emphasizing on how I can survive, and do better, without a maid.
For one, you don't have to constantly worry that she might sneak out and do something strange and what not.
Secondly, you don't have to worry that she might poison you in your food.
Thirdly, you don't have to worry she might abuse the youngs or the olds in the family.
Fourthly, you don't have to worry at all.

Well, the first few weeks will be tough, since we are used to having a maid, but really, everything is tough the first time, you just have to get used to it.
And I already agreed to clean the house, make the beds, wash the dishes, iron and fold the clothes. I've practically done everything there is to be done.
Well, one thing I refused to do, is wash the toilet.
Really, have you ever seen a clean toilet? Even after it's washed?
There'll still be stray hairs and whatever unknown things left in there. And you want me to use my hand and retrieve it? No way....I ain't doing that.
And what with my brother who have a sense of hygiene of a hobo, the toilet is never clean.

Oh, speaking of my brother. I guess he can do nothing in the house =/ since he also refuses to do it anyway.
He is a lost cause. I got to the point where I don't care.
I guess there is one thing he can do...drive out and buy food during lunch when he is on holiday.
But then it is also a miracle if he does stay at home long enough for him to go out and buy food. Or if he thinks it is alright to go out and buy since his reason has always been "It's so hot...I don't want to go out. Go eat instant noodle or something." And when I ask what he'll be eating since he's not going out? "I am not going to eat."
Well, okay, don't eat then. But remember what I wrote moments ago?
I can't cook.
And complaining to my parents about my brother's awful character doesn't make a difference anymore. Because apparently, a Sagittarius is born to break the rules, and hard headed. They don't listen to other people.
Well, like I said, he is a lost cause.
So now, it seems like I'll have to take care of him as well.
But then, I don't mind...got kind of used to it =/

Well now? My parents are out, fetching the new trial maid. Who I heard is only around 17, 18 years old.
That previous maid we just sent back? Was also around that age when she came. And look at what happened to that.
Seriously, there is someone who is only going to be one or two years older than me, taking care of me. I find that fact a distraught.
I can take care of myself, thank you very much.
I can very well operate a washing machine. I don't even own a dish washer - because it is a waste of water and we're experiencing water crisis - and I can wash the dishes.
Plus, it'll be like a work out for me ;)

Hopefully, I really don't need a maid...because I'm done with all this emotional stress.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Short.

Feeling a little not myself today =/

Honestly feel like punching these three people in my class, because one is directly annoying me, one is indirectly annoying me, and the last one, well he always annoy people just with his presence.

So yeah.

And writing this?

Well let's just say it's going to be short.

How short?

This short.