Time isn't healing

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

please just read this.

I'm not sure if enough people would see this. Or significant people.
But here goes...

I know I might've been a little hard to get along with these days.
And I apologize if any of you got offended by my sharp tongue or glare.
But this did not come out of the blue.
There were some issues going on that made me react this way.
And some others who thought I did not care about them; did not value their friendship; was not thoughtful enough; was not good enough for them and what not.
I hope YOU see this. Whoever you are.
And I hope YOU know it's YOU I am talking about.
Because as much as I'd hate to admit, you really wound me.
And I never thought I'd get hurt by one's cold shoulder.

But I am here, to say, that I value all of you.
Each and every one of you.
I try very hard each day to please you guys.
But unlike last 3 years, I have some things happening in my life that I can't ignore. And it is eating up my time and energy.
This year has not been a good year.
I hope everything would remain the same as before. When all of us did not mind occasional critism, and gossips. Now, I hardly know anything that's going on in everyone's life.
And all those times, I've told myself that I would not care, but in fact I have been lying to myself.
I care, DEEPLY. I guess this is a form of me showing my affection ... how annoying it may seem.
Whichever way, I do hope that YOU would stop being such an ass and think for a minute.
People have troubles in life. Troubles that doubles yours.

Also, I want to say that, I really love all of you.
However cheesy it may seem. I've never had such fun and excitement with anyone.
All the laughter weren't a waste, ya' know.
I cherish all the little things we shared. All the awkward moments that made this friendship work. All that animosity that created this bond. All the crappy message we say to each other.
I care a lot, I can't deny that. No matter how many times I've said 'I can't stand that idiot! He is such an ass hole!' I still want that idiot/ass hole to know that unless you give up on me, I won't ever give you up.
Now Rayhan, Wan Wei, I know I don't usually do this, but when you read this, please ask the others to read it as well, because you won't get anything as raw as this from my flesh-form.
Believe me, I'd unintentionally laugh, roll my eyes, joke, wave away this topic.
However much I'd loath to admit the fact that I've developed this horrible habit of smiling at the most "unsmilliable" things ever. So yes, I do put on a facade, no matter where I am.
Thus, tell this to everyone who you think is worth reading, whoever it is. Because I trust every one of your choices.

Always smiling! xx

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

where are you?.

I once knew this person very well
How well? I'd say quite
We both know a fair bit of each other
A fair bit of knowledge that weren't comfortable for others to know
We'd spend all day, every day, talking about things that bothers us
And comfort each other
In a completely platonic manner

I must've been blinded in that blur of emotions
As I failed to notice things have changed around us
Something that I still could not put my finger on
As we slowly started drifting apart
When we begin to keep things from each other
I realized...

Probably, just maybe, I was too dependent
I know I always am
But perhaps I did not conceal it well?
Perhaps I'd gone too far inching into people's lives?
Perhaps... I just needed to get away
Perhaps I should not worry anymore
I'd just hope.

Hope we'll talk again
Without your ignorant attitude
And the cold shoulder
Warmth would have done well to mend this little heart
This little heart will just have to stay strong for a while.

WHOA
now what the hell was that??
HAHAH I just couldn't post something soooo depressing.
Even though I felt like that. But I just can't post it like that.
This need some BIG BIG WORDS TO CHEER IT UP.
NOW YOU READERS BETTER START WRITING ON THE CBOX
OR ELSE I'LL ...
I'll continue writing angsty post...

Monday, June 21, 2010

rant.

Nobody probably reads this because it's been such a long time since I posted anything so I'll write something I'm paranoid about.

School has been different, in all sorts of ways.
I thought it'd have been a great year, since it we're seniors now. And we're suppose to be in the top of our game.
Hanging out with friends; chilling out; get into some stupid silly activity - have fun.
Do stuff together ... talk about stuff we missed on ... Even dreams was something great to talk about.
But instead, I have nothing to talk to anyone anymore. And really, anyone in school, at all.

And please, do not even think about telling me that this is infinitely my fault. Because I hadn't bothered to join up any activities every one's in, 'cause if you guys know anything about me at all, you would've known the reason.
And constantly complaining that 'it's your fault you're left out. You didn't join us~ You didn't want to play mfo with us~ it's your fault' isn't going to help one bit.
For the love of God, I don't know how many times I've heard that, and more.
If I had to play some game to get close with people, I might as well be alone.
I don't need to do things I don't want to just to please every one.

How maddeningly depressing isn't it?
Ah, why bother. I got so immune to it I hardly give a shit.
Sometimes I wonder if it is just my stunningly amazing adjustment to changes.
Right now, I am not afraid of saying this, but I honestly think Ng Kar Yin really hasn't changed that much, she's always there ... and though she's in YE, and I don't have anything against them, she's still her.
And there are several others out there that I find not suited to be mentioned here. And thus, I'll just say:
I LOVE YOU, KAR YIN. FOR BEING YOU! x)
HAHAHAH!!
okay, 'nuff said =)

*this is just a rant, nothing to be taken serious about.
Except for the kar yin part ;)
HEE HEE!

xx